haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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