Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
