It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
