I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize