Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
