I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
