Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
