She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
