Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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