If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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