let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
