I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
