That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
