You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
