It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
