For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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