I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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