Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ladies don't puke and tell
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
