I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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