He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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