haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
