I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
