i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
