i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
