Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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