if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
