It's Friday. Sex?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
