i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
