I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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