he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
