I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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