they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
