Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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