Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
