Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Drake has all the answers
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize