I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
