YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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