We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
our cab driver is having phone sex.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
