I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just had sex on a roof
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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