Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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