That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
