chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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