Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
