It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
