you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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