Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
