I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
