Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
