just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can feel your judgement through the phone
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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