I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
