I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
