yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize