haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dicks are not precious.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
