I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
