everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
