Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
