i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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