Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
