my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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