it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize