I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
