I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
