On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize