UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
