This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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