Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
