If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
