yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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