Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
