Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Boobs speak an international language.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
