five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I would ride that face into the sunset
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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