yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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