There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
