I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
