I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
