I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
