saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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