This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize