I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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