I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
