Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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