I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
