Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize