My sheets look like a crime scene.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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