if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
