hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
