with your own penis?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
